Doubtful Comforts
by Ethereal Pixie
Summary: NaruSasu, AU: Sasuke is a professor in a prestigious university. He thinks that his life is under control but a failing engagement, numbness, and tedium is all that his life revolves around until Naruto returns from Sasuke's past and changes everything.
1. Tedium

**Doubtful Comforts**

"_Sasuke!"_

_I turned back to find Naruto running towards me, calling my name, his arm flailing frantically. I turned away from him and started to continue on my path home._

"_Sasuke!"_

_I ignored his calling, not wanting to think of what had just happened between us. I couldn't understand it, how it had happened, or why it even did. I was glad that tomorrow I was to leave, hand in hand with Sakura, to study abroad in America. I couldn't let something like this destroy the path I worked so hard to gain. So much turmoil and despair, I deserved this new turn and I would take Sakura and be happy within a home that was anywhere but here. I quickened my pace but Naruto followed closely yelling, "Sasuke, just stop!" We were both rivals on the track team, the two of us were close in skill but I had the advantage at this moment; it was dire for my sanity and the happiness the future promised to keep from speaking with him. I dropped the books I no longer needed and sped up, Naruto falling more and more behind._

_I couldn't allow this to happen. I couldn't allow this to develop into anything further than something so fleeting. I was finally in a good place and couldn't let it go. No friendship was worth this. Not even Naruto's._

_An image of Naruto's arms around me flashed into my mind and I shook my head, attempting to throw away whatever it was residing within me. This didn't make sense. It just didn't make any sense._

_I felt a hand grab my wrist and I stumbled over from the shock but I still refused to face him. I could feel his grip tightening around my wrist, the material of my shirt and his skin against mine. I remain in my stance, no need for comfort._

"_I'm sorry that…happened."_

"_It was just a hug Uzumaki, you got too emotional like you always do."_

"_It's not just that…what I said-"_

"_Shut it, Uzumaki!" I can feel myself becoming more severe, the fire in my anger rising. "You're so useless you can't even be on your own, can't walk on your own two fucking feet. You need to always be carried. Well, look, Sakura and I don't want to carry you anymore. We're fucking tired. Done. What are we to do for you Uzumaki? Give up our own futures to coddle you? Give me a break."_

"_Sasuke, I know you," his grip loosens. "I know what you're trying to do. You're just trying to-"_

"_Damn it, Naruto!" my eyes widen, the anger now coursing through me. I didn't need this, especially not from him. "I don't care! The only reason I ever 'resolved whatever rivalry and disdain' we had for each, whatever I did to get along with you, it was just a way to bring Sakura closer to me. This hatred I hold for you will never flare out. You disgust me, Uzumaki. Everything about you disgusts me…"_

_I stop as I meet Naruto's gaze head on. He's looking at me with the same passion, the same determination. I wonder…why…?_

"_Okay, Sasuke," he lets go of my wrist, and takes a step back._

_I straighten the sleeve of my shirt and continue walking forward. I look back just once and continue walking; the desire to lie in my bed enveloping me as I continue each step forward. Then I hear Naruto say quietly, just barely loud enough for me to hear._

"_But I don't believe you."_

…_And I didn't believe me either but I just needed this moment to allow myself to calm down. It was all just fleeting. What was up ahead would be the rest of my days and that was more important. It was more important than anything fleeting like this._

**Lesson One: **_Tedium_

"Sasuke," I feel a delicate hand stroking my skin, teasing me to wake. "Hey, Mr. Uchiha, your lovely fiancé desires a kiss from her valiant knight."

"Please, Sakura, don't be so foolish."

She shuffles away from me, I can feel her temper rising.

"You know what, Sasuke? Once upon a time my _foolishness_ amused you. You're absolutely no fun," she pulls the blankets around her, stealing them from me; so childish and exhausting.

"Look, Sakura, we're not little children anymore."

"No, it's not being a child; it's called having a little fun which, obviously, you've never experienced in your life."

"Don't be so imprudent, I've experienced fun."

She stands from the bed, keeping the blanket wrapped around her naked skin. Her features are furrowed into a scowl which isn't very attractive.

"Don't be so prudish! The only time you have ever had fun was our last two years of high school when we were back home with our friends."

A blonde mess of hair, blue eyes, and orange shirt flashes into my mind of which I quickly wipe from my thoughts.

"I've had fun after those days," I mumble. It's been five years, those thoughts should remain dormant, never to be released from it's vault.

"Yeah, sure, for a little while," she waves her hand at me, as if to swat away my defense. "But then you climbed to the top, achieved that Physics award, and are always busy with your studies. You have no more time for fun."

"Hey, miss med school. You're not all sunshine either."

"No, I'm not always. But, look, Sasuke, I witness the death of many through this internship and I just can't understand how a person gets used to this. Even so, I still look for time to enjoy life, to still appreciate it. What's your excuse?"

"Please, Sakura, no human individual is the exact some as the other. You and are of different dispositions, we couldn't possibly experience life the same as each other."

"No, Sasuke," she drags the blanket to the bathroom, dropping it as she gets there. "We just don't understand each other. At all."

She slams the door and I feel myself run my fingers through my hair.

"And we're getting married," I sigh, shaking my head.

All the logical thought processing in the world couldn't explain this to me. Yet, I was still running through with this. I needed it. It was part of the entire plan, the path to happiness. This ring, it couldn't be pried off my fingers. Besides, we may argue quite a bit but Sakura has a temper and likes to pick arguments. We do understand each other. We understand each other enough for me to marry her and to continue on with our lives.

I slip out of bed. I relish in the cool feeling of tiles against my feet. It was relieving for some odd reason. I feel so old at times, I'm twenty-three and I feel as if I am in the direction towards my fifties. But it was all worth it to reach this point. So young, talented, and with all the abundance of my knowledge it has landed me towards a successful future; one memoir written, an award, and an offer to become a professor at Konoha's prestigious University. This was where I have fought to land myself. Right here, right now, and the wedding was just the key to the door where my happiness waited behind. I was determined to get there.

It was my first day of the term. It was my next step closer to comfort. I would be comfortable for the rest of my life now.

I was ready and nothing could deter me from stepping through that door.

~-~3~-~

I sit at my desk, books lying on the surface with my suitcase. I am calm and collected as I always am. No nerves, no fear. I sometimes question whether I am human, whether I am capable of feeling anything other than this monotony. The students begin to fill the room. They're probably all around my age. It's odd to know that I will be teaching my peers. I moved quickly, more quickly than the others. The large amount of knowledge I possessed and my ability to adapt so easily and quickly was recognized right away, and I found myself here so young but above my years.

As I watch the students filter in, their faces filling my eyes, I imagine the first time I ever entered a classroom of this magnitude, how stunned I was. Now, I was standing here, imagining all the students that were there now, imagining how it once felt. We're so close in age group but so distant. Sometimes, it's a lonely feeling to not share the same levels as your peers. I turn my attention towards a group of pretty girls that are whispering amongst each other.

"Yeah, he looks so young and so ridiculously sexy! How'd he earn a gig like this? He has to be at least in his early twenties," one girl sneaks a glance at me but quickly looks away when noticing me staring. The girl next to her moves closer to her which doesn't make sense since it is still the same distance between them and I. I can still hear the two speaking.

"Yeah, he's not the only young looker that's started working here. Apparently one of the music programs recruited a young good looking guy too. Girls have been going nuts about the two."

The girl snickers, "Which one do you like better?"

"He's definitely hot but too scowl-ey, I prefer the more energetic one. His smile is to die for."

"I don't know. Professor Uchiha has this, 'I'm talented but totally dark, mysterious, and possibly daaaangerous' thing going on."

"Nah, he's a Physics nerd! U…?" Her voices muffles as more students file in but then the noise dies. "…grew up all in this shit hole and stuff. Like he has this whole dark, mysterious, dangerous past going on."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

"You didn't know? He used to be in this obscure 'hardcore' band and he went through all this shit so, yeah, he was discovered and they found out he had all this music production experience and all this musical talent. Anyways, he started up this one record company with this guy named Gaara than gave it all up for some reason. He wrote a book and got even richer and, apparently, he was recognized with all these awards and he gets offered this position. Weird, eh? And he's so young. I couldn't even imagine living through all that."

"Yeah, that's pretty amazing. Maybe I will change my crush," the girls giggle foolishly and sit down. How frivolous…

"Tsk," I scowl as I rise from my seat. Frivolous indeed.

Everyone comes to attention as I rise. They are to begin their progression towards adulthood, none of this gossip crap.

"Let me introduce myself. I am your professor, Uchiha Sasuke," I make some hand movements as I speak. "You will throw all frivolous banter as you step into these doors. This is no light subject. Remain on guard, pay attention, and do not miss a detail. The slightest bit of slack will cause an imbalance of productivity. Remember that."

As I speak I hear a girl heave a sigh, "Man, I am changing my crush to the other guy. He seems so much more fun than this guy."

Her friend laughs and I ignore them. Besides, what do girls like that know about anything? I'll give them by the end of semester. I doubt that they could even comprehend this class.

~-~3~-~

"_Why don't you ever stop to think about it, Sasuke? Why do you continue to remain in denial?" I feel his arms tighten around me, the feeling of his heart beat against mine. It scares me to think…_

"_No, this is ridiculous. You're so foolish."_

"_No, Sasuke, I'm not."_

_I refuse to look up because somehow, it's there…_

~-~3~-~

"Well, is it there?"

I snap back, directing my attention away from the form I am reading to Sakura who is impatiently watching me.

"Excuse me?"

"Ugh, Sasuke," she begins to tap her foot. "I asked you if the pots are in there. I swear, Uchiha, you're hopeless sometimes."

"Hm, yeah," I sigh, placing my attention back to the form.

"Honestly, useless."

For some reason, all I can think of is a sinking ship and everyone on it running around crying for help. I wonder if she pictures this too.

~-~3~-~

I strut down the hallways, observing the school. It's an old building with fantastic architecture. There is a life in the building that is lacking in current structures that are made. You can almost feel the history.

I continue walking down the hall, following the sound of music. A voice begins to dance around my ears, pleasing me with a feeling that hasn't been raised in me before. There was something familiar and sweet about the voice that touched my ears. I continue moving, blanketing myself in the voice, curious to see the man that is causing such warmth to boil within me.

"Professor Uchiha," I turn away, throwing off the blanket from my skin, and address the call.

"Good afternoon, Professor Hataki," I reach out my hand for a shake but he simply places his hand on my shoulder and smiles.

"No need for such formalities," he laughs. "You can call me Kakashi. We're all peers here, after all."

"Yes, sir," I drop my arm to my side. I wonder why I am not able to be casual like everyone else.

He pats my back and his grin widens, "I'm surprised you're both so young."

He walks away from me, and I continue on to my classroom.

~-~3~-~

Sakura trails her fingers against my bare chest. She is whispering sweetly to me as she lands kisses against my neck and cheek. I'm tired. I just want to sleep.

"God!" Sakura groans, pulling herself away from me. "Such a bore."

"Goodnight, Sakura," I sigh, and roll to my side.

I'm just tired. A man can no longer sleep in peace it seems.

As I drift to sleep, I think of the voice that I heard singing today, the melodic voice that touched my ears, the warmth that blanketed me. The thought of the voice lulled me to sleep, and I distinctly remember still hearing it as I awoke from slumber.

~-~3~-~

Like every morning, I stepped out of the car and headed towards the side entrance of the building. And, like every morning, I threw my Styrofoam coffee cup into the trash, but this morning was different than it had been previous mornings. The voice, no, the person had risen an emotion that I hadn't felt in quite some time, a warmth that I had forgotten.

"Uchiha?" I turn around to find a mess of blonde hair and blue eyes fill my vision.

I almost couldn't believe who the person was standing before me. It was someone I had chosen to forget for so long and here he was standing in front of me, mussed hair and all. The odds of something like this were so slim. It was like a plot device in a movie script and it didn't make sense that we would meet again right here like this. It just didn't make sense. It was too much coincidence.

"Uzumaki?"

As the syllables left my lips I could feel a tremor run through my body and, honestly, it scared me a little. Just a little though. I straighten myself quickly, making sure not to express any sort of surprise and only professionalism.

"Good to see you," I nod. "But I must make my way."

He nods slowly, a little grin on his face. I fight the temptation to rip it off and continue on my way.

This is nothing. Really. It's nothing.


	2. With One Smile

**Lesson Two: **_With One Smile_

I can feel the adrenaline rising as I quickly walk towards my classroom. Somehow, I feel his presence following behind me. It's almost like he is touching me, grabbing on to me. I shouldn't feel so unsettled by this. This shouldn't be so troubling. He was an old friend that I lost touch with. This isn't something to become so troubled over. It isn't.

I plop down onto my seat and run my fingers through my hair. My sweat is cool against my skin. The feeling of my fingers running through my hair calms me. I concentrate on my breathing and I think of Sakura. I think of her luscious pink hair, her silky porcelain skin, and her bright, thrilling eyes. I play the memory of her sweet voice in my mind and I relish in the feeling of love that I hold for my fiancé. It helps.

I drum my fingers against the arm of my chair and stare at the empty seats that lie before me. How long has it been now? I'm twenty three, and the last time…

Five years. It has been five years.

I venture into the depths of my thoughts that I have kept bolted for so long. I wonder if he has thought of me, if he has…missed me. Again, I scold myself for losing touch with what it is that I truly want.

Frivolous. So frivolous. This is all so damn frivolous. I am no longer some confused teenager. I am an adult. I have responsibilities and the ability to compose myself.

I lean forward and grab my bag, setting it onto my desk. I pull out papers and books, piling them neatly on my desk. I look over at the photograph of Sakura and I. We're smiling and we're happy.

"Sasuke."

My heart skips a beat and I feel as if the blood is draining from my body. I simply want to be at peace. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to have to endure this physical reaction to him. I thought I had escaped this and here I am feeling helpless once again. I thought I had left that all behind me at eighteen. Hadn't I grown up? Hadn't I?

I turn my head, stand from my seat, and set my eyes upon him. We match height and the built of his body has strengthened. If anything, I am slimmer in build than he is. He loosely wears an orange tie around a white dress shirt and his hair is still as bright a blonde and tousled as it was when we were teenagers. His cobalt eyes have deepened in intensity but he still smirks the same way with the same cocky confidence he always held. His softness isn't as evident as it once was, as if he has hardened a bit through the years, but it is still apparent as he observes me. I feel as if I am staring into a mirror that reveals my past. There is so much raging inside of me. I have no idea what to say to him or what I should do. I stand awkwardly before him as he watches me, feeling more and more uncomfortable by his stare.

Still, after all these years, his voice, the way he speaks my name, it is the same as it always has been. But I also know that five years is a long time and there is a lot that must have changed.

"It's been a while, eh?" He steps forward and I take one back. He grins, obviously entertained by my discomfort. "You haven't changed."

"Neither have you," I scoff, turning to my desk, organizing it as if to make it seem that I am too busy to speak with him.

"It's been five years now?" I hear him step closer to me, my heart feeling heavier as he approaches me, violating my personal space.

"If you don't mind, I'm a bit busy," I shuffle the papers on my desk. My body temperature is rising and I can feel a drop of sweat grazing my skin. "I have a lot to-"

He grabs my hand suddenly, stopping everything that I am doing. I look up at him and he is still smirking. I still want to rip the grin off of his face. But, even with such animosity raging within me, it feels as if time has suddenly stopped. It feels as if my heart has dropped from my chest to my feet. I feel helpless, as if suddenly I have lost all control.

"I do mind," he lets go of my hand, and pats my back. "You can't even greet an old best friend of yours? Now, that just hurts, Sasuke."

"Please, I am quite busy with all these lesson plans I have to plot."

"Oh, please, Sasuke, don't be so shy," Naruto jumps up onto my desk and sits right in front of me. He is much too close for comfort and so I step away. "How've you been? Really? It's been too fucking long."

He still lacks in manners as much as he did when we were kids which is a bit of a comfort knowing that he hasn't changed so much.

"I guess I have been okay. I have really just been working."

"Yeah, but you're always like that. I take it you haven't changed a bit. It doesn't seem so. Still awkward, silent, and prudish."

"I am not prudish," I snap.

"Oh, oh, oh, okay," he waves his hands in the air. He is mocking me and it is irritating. "So, are you still with Sakura?"

"We're engaged," I sigh as I gesture for Naruto to get off my desk. "That is not a seat."

"Oh, sorry," he laughs, and jumps down. "So, the two of you are tying the knot. I'm not surprised. It was always in the plan for happiness that you set for yourself. Always there. I thought you would achieve it all."

"Yes, I have," I turn away from him, staring down at the papers.

Am I really happy? Have I achieved that? I feel as if happiness-no, not just happiness but all emotions-have been drained from my body. I almost feel robotic like impenetrable iron. With that, is it really any better than feeling misery? When feeling so…vacant you almost wish that there could be a little bit of pain left in order to remind you that you are still alive.

"I am very happy and satisfied," I lie.

I turn my head and look up at him once again. He is staring down at me, hard, and I fear that he can tell that I am lying.

"I'm glad," he turns away from me, his body becoming tenser. "I'm glad that you have achieved that."

He leaves quickly, bumping into one of my female students as he does so. He quickly laughs, scratching the back of his head, and apologizes. She only stares up at him and blushes, a false sense of hope fulfilling her with simply a touch. I wonder if I had ever made him feel that way, if I had ever offered such false hope. I must have once. I know I had.

I sit outside, feeling the cool air against my skin. It feels good. For a moment there is peace settled in me as I watch the trees that surround me dance against the wind. The sky is blue and the sun is bright. If only I could feel like this forever. It is times like this when I don't have to question my own humanity.

The sound of music touches my ears and I turn my head to find Naruto sitting on a park bench, strumming a guitar. His eyes are closed and his fingers pluck at the strings causing such beauty to touch us. I wait to hear his voice and close my eyes as I listen to the words that reach me.

If only this could be forever. If only one could sit like this and feel such bliss surge throughout their body for eternity. If only I could feel myself like this more often. There are so many if only's that I must utter to myself day after day. How can I boast of happiness when I must question my own humanity at a daily basis?

The music stops and I open my eyes to find Naruto staring directly at me. He is smiling at me as he waves. I feel warmth surge through my body as I lift my hand to wave back. I feel heat rising to my cheeks and almost feel…

Well, I can't exactly describe what I feel. But, whatever it is, it feels good.

It almost seems as if he is laughing at me with his eyes. It makes me feel insecure and strange. Again, the same weakness overcomes me. More like vulnerability. But to someone like me being vulnerable is just the same as being weak.

He shakes his head, still smirking, and gets up to leave. I watch him walk away. All I desire to do is to grab him, to stop him. I just want to speak with him. I wonder if, over the years, if he has missed my friendship. I realize, after all these years, that I have missed having his friendship. I have missed having such a friend in my life.

It would be nice to just have a friendship like that again. It would be. But, for some reason, I don't feel as if I deserve it.

* * *

I lie in bed next to Sakura. She is sound asleep as I stare at our ceiling. I think of Naruto again, of his smile, and his presence. It sends such warmth through me that I haven't felt in some time. It almost feels as if this ice that has overtaken my body is beginning to thaw and release me.

I turn to Sakura and stroke my hand against her skin. She feels good. For once, she feels good. She turns to me, eyes still closed, and smiles.

"You feel warm," she whispers and she places her hand over mine.

"Do you realize how beautiful you are?" I whisper, leaning over her. I kiss her cheek, then her forehead, and as I make my way to her lips I picture Naruto in my mind. But it is nothing. It is simply the warmth of remembering our friendship that has reminded me of my love for Sakura.

"This is nice, Sasuke," she whispers, snuggling closer to me. The warmth of her body comforts me and I wrap my arms around her body. "Let's be like this forever, please."

"Of course," I smile, pulling her body closer to mine. "Of course."

She falls asleep in my arms, and I feel her body's slight movements as she remains in my arms.

I look over to the window and stare up at the night sky littered with stars. There is so much that I am feeling at once, so much that is rushing to me. I wonder how it is that I had become so vacant after all these years and how it is that in such a short amount of time the warmth, the emotion, has rushed back to me. It is almost too overwhelming to handle it all.

The world is filled with such inconsistencies. It almost feels as if so many things that happen around us are so illogical, as if all of this couldn't make any sense. In one moment, in just one second, an entire man's being could evolve into something he had thought he had lost forever. With just one smile life could be raised once again. With just one touch love could overcome and weaken a man.

I look down at Sakura and remember what it is that I had once felt. And there it was, the happiness hidden behind the door. I didn't have it in my grasp yet but it was closer, the key was readied to reveal whatever it was waiting behind that door for me and all I had to do was place it in and turn. And I would.

"Sakura, I have set a date for our marriage."

She looks up at me, her eyes brightening.

"Yes, I think we should marry next summer. I think that I am ready now."


	3. Hypocrite

**Lesson Three: **_Hypocrite_

Naruto hadn't spoken to me since our last encounter. It had been a month since he waltzed into my office. Since then he hadn't made any attempt to converse with me again. He wasn't rude and he didn't outright ignore me. He would be polite as we passed each other in the hallway and say hello but, very quickly, he would announce that he was too busy for chatter and would run off very quickly. During faculty meetings he would make small talk with me but nothing more than that.

…And when he smiled at me, it felt forced.

Not that I cared or anything like that. We were simply childhood friends and, as we're adults now, that doesn't mean that we would carry that same friendship into adulthood nor would we just pick it right back up if we lost it. Life didn't work that way. It just didn't.

It was the end of the day and the students were excited for reading week to begin. Foolish. So many of them thought of the week as a time to kick back and "party"; during the time off they would reject their responsibilities and forget to complete their assignments. I wasn't uncomfortable by this. Only diligent, responsible students deserved to succeed in such a rigorous environment.

I watched the students file out of the lecture hall and I sat back, staring at the ceiling. I observed the patterns on the ceiling before closing my eyes. My mind felt heavy, my heart heavier. At this moment Sakura was shopping for wedding dresses with her friend. She had already announced our wedding date to her girlfriends and family. And she announced it to all our old high school and college friends that we still kept around. The invitations would be sent out soon. I would have to be involved in the planning as well soon.

I couldn't understand why I felt this feeling that sunk to the core of the earth as I thought of the wedding.

I kept my eyes closed. I kept concentrating on locking the air into my lungs and then releasing it. I wished that it was that easy to escape. But what was it that I wanted to escape from?

I had no clue.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Sakura's phone number. If there was one thing I knew, I couldn't face going home tonight. I couldn't sleep in that bed with her. I couldn't…

Why did everything feel like such a lie?

I imagined Naruto in my mind. I imagined us as teenagers and…

I leaned my forehead against my desk and groaned.

"What is wrong with me?" I growled, wanting to tear myself from limb to limb.

Why were we condemned to this bloody hell in the first place? Why did we have to live like this in such confusion with no path, with only questions and no answers? What was the point? What was the point in seeking love and companionship, in success? It led to nothing! It was a chase for more and more and it never ended. There was no key to the door of happiness, there was just nothing. Once the door opened you just find another door. There are so many doors that either you give up or keep running to the last door only to find that the last door led to an empty room with nothing. And that is exactly what is left when you have made it through those doors. Nothing.

So, what was the bloody point anyway?

I pressed the call button, my forehead still leaning against the edge of the desk, I waited for her answer.

"Sasuke!" She was happy, and all that filled me was disdain. I am such a terrible, bitter man.

"Sakura, I have a lot of work to complete tonight. I'm going to be home late. It would be preferable to not wait for me to come home," my voice was dry.

I was dry.

I think that she could sense the void that had once again enveloped me and I could hear the excitement drain from her voice as she whispered, "Okay."

And then she had hung up the phone.

I listened to the slow beep of the dial tone, and felt like a horrid man. What kind of man was I? I was no man. My spine was filled with jell-o. I felt like I wobbled around as I walked and everyone could spot my weakness in a second. I often pride myself in being a strong man but, at times like this, damn, I was just as spineless as everyone else in the world. And all that inadequacy that I felt as a child came rushing back to me. It never did leave me. Ever. It was always there. The inadequacy I felt next to my brother, the images of my parents, gone. That was when I made up this stupid, fucked up plan. This god damn plan that led me nowhere. All it did was lead me to another fucking door, in a messy fucking room, with no idea where the bloody key was hiding. And I wasn't interested in cleaning up the mess in the least bit this time.

Fuck that.

I lied when I told myself that it would be better to feel pain than to feel like iron. The iron is stronger, and the iron doesn't feel like this.

But I guess pain wasn't all that bad because, no matter how much I felt it, I could never shed a tear. Not since…then.

"Hey, Sasuke," I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was warm. And I hated the feeling. "You're lookin' pretty down today."

I shrugged the hand off, "Don't talk to me."

"Oh, come on," I could feel his warmth approaching closer to my body. It riled such anger inside of me that I couldn't contain it.

I stood up quickly, surprising Naruto, he backed off a bit. He could sense my hostility, my anger. It was his fault. I would have felt more content with a void in my soul than this sort of pain. Fuck this.

"Fuck this!" I screamed, my voice echoing through the lecture hall.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Naruto began waving his hands around. "I don't have a clue what's going on here or why you're so pissed off but, whatever it is, it's not my fault, dude. Look, I just-"

"Fuck off, Naruto!" I growled, stepping closer to him, jabbing my finger into his chest. "You have no business coming around me and acting all buddy buddy with me like we've been lifelong friends! You have no business coming here and acting like I'll just jump up and talk to you like we're the best of fucking friends after you come around me acting like we're good old friends and then practically ignore me for a month. Well, you know what, Naruto? Fuck you! Just fuck you!"

Naruto's eyes glazed over with a sort of anger I had not seen him direct at me in years. He pushed me further away from him and grabbed the collar of my shirt, as a reflex, I grabbed his. We stared each other down, so much anger welling up inside of us.

"You have no right, Sasuke! No right! What's one month compared to five fucking years? Huh? Explain that to me Sasuke?"

My eyes widen, and suddenly I felt like an asshole. That was right. I was the jackass here. I let go of the collar of his shirt and he pushed me away. I pulled myself together and watched him, his body contorting into that of a small child. He looked…helpless and sad. Just as sad as I was.

"I was right, Sasuke, you didn't change a bit. You're just as selfish as you were back then."

"Naruto," I whispered but he was already walking away from me. He was already turning his back on me, just like I did so long ago. He had the right to, so there was no point in my trying to chase after him.

I fell back into my seat and let the emptiness of the room absorb me.

The void may be better than the pain but I deserved to feel this pain right here. But I still wouldn't cry. I deserved this. And I deserved anything that would follow this. I could envision myself asking my brother as a child if he really was that dead.

Now, I could understand his answer.

* * *

I stare up at my apartment. The light has just turned off in our bedroom. She has decided to give up on waiting. It's just past midnight, and I still don't want to go inside. I turn away from the apartment and walk down the street. I don't know where I want to go but I just keep walking. I allow the night to consume me. I allow it to embody me. As I continue into the busy side of town, the entertainment district, I see young kids and adults tumbling around and yelling excitedly. I see them smile and laugh with each other and I wonder how it is that they are able to be this way. I wonder how it is that I could be that way too.

I stop at a grungy looking bar. There are rusty looking bikes and chains hanging from the top of the bar, such gaudy decoration for a bar. The people surrounding the bar are dressed in mostly black. Either the females are wearing combat books with fishnet stockings or the males are wearing ripped up skinny pants with leather jackets. I may wear all black most of the time but I, at least, don't appear so gaudy. I hear music reverberating from the inside of the bar and I listen for a bit.

"_Skin so soft but never touched!"_ I hear the gruffness of the voice, it should sound god awful, this screaming, but I could see how it works. How the violence and chaos of the music could work. The sound, it's familiar, like that hardcore music Naruto used to listen to. I continue to listen in on the song. "_Every door you open only leads closer to the void in your heart! Never will you see this. Never will you reach this._"

I recognize the voice, the sound of Naruto's gruff voice. I quickly walk towards the door and a large man pushes me back and stares at me. I am tall and loom over him but I don't attempt to be intimidating.

"Seven dollar cover, man," he smirks. I don't really think he's trying to be rude.

I shuffle around in my pocket and pull out a ten. He searches around his pocket for change but I just pat his arm and tell him to keep it. He nods in return and allows me in.

I watch the people standing around the bar. There is a band playing in front of the crowd. I had not seen a show like this since hanging out with Naruto as teenagers. There's no stage or anything like that. It's one of those intimate shows at a bar where the crowd just writhes around the band and interacts so closely with them. Naruto used to talk about this underground scene, he would banter off about it and most of the time I would just ignore him. I wasn't really interested then.

I watch Naruto, yelling and writhing, his eyes widening every now and then. The intensity is brutal and his emotions are on such a high that it is almost painful to watch him. There is a crowd of people shoving, kicking, and punching at each other. I don't really understand it, why people would want to knock each other out like that.

Finally, Naruto finishes, covered in sweat, his face red, he raises a hand and nods at the crowd. Everyone claps, screams, and hoots. And he walks away from the scene. He heads to the bar and the bartender hands him a bottle of bear and grins at him. She flips her hair back and bats her eyes but Naruto seems uninterested in her.

He turns his back on the bartender and people approach him, talking to him, chatting him up, and he smiles and grins. He looks completely different from his performance. It's almost like watching another being take over his body. Completely different. He looks around the bar, it's very small, very intimate, and his eyes land on me. For a while, we stare at each other. For a while, the noise, the loudness of the bar, dies down and I feel my ears ringing.

I turn away and leave the bar.

I head back in the direction towards home. I look back for a second and continue walking. We aren't teenagers anymore. No one is there. But, I walk faster and keep going. I accelerate until I'm running, and I laugh. I laugh like I have never laughed before. And then I stop…

…And suddenly, I feel like crying. But I don't. I just straighten myself up and walk back into my home.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you liked the chapter, sorry for the long wait. Let me know what you think. :D


	4. Boxes

**Lesson Four: **_Boxes_

As I step through the door I am swallowed by the darkness of my seemingly dark apartment. I place my keys on the dresser and continue through the hallway. Pictures of Sakura and I are hanging on the walls, our faces are darkened. It almost feels ominous. Almost. There are pictures of Sakura's family hanging on the walls as well. There are lots of them. There are none of mine. For good reason, I guess. Hanging pictures of past loved ones who are gone is useless. It is only there to burn a hole in your heart. It is only there to remind you of your bitter past. It didn't make sense. So I left those alone.

I continued on down the hallway, it was long, and once you got to the end you always noticed how empty and sad our apartment was. We hardly had anyone over. Most of the things we had were because you're _supposed_ to have those sort of things filling up your apartment. But, as I went to flip the light on, I quickly realized that this never was a home. Especially when I heard, "Sasuke," spoken very sternly and Sakura sitting on the couch, her face stained with tears, and her bags packed.

This was never home. I was just kidding myself all along. I think we both were and she just realized it hours before I did.

"Sakura, why are your bags packed?" She looks up at me, irritation evident on her face. We both know that I'm just asking this because it's what a person is _supposed_ to ask in a situation like this. But I know. God, damn it all, I know.

"Sasuke," she takes off her engagement rings and sets it on the table, "I've waited for you to love me for too long. For far too long, Sasuke. When we were children, I thought it was a meaningless crush but once you finally made that step in high school I had thought my life was all coming together."

She paused. Not to wait for a response because she already knew it. She already knew what sort of man I was.

"I thought the world was put into place once we started dating. I thought that love was all a woman needed to survive, you know, I was such a stupid kid," she shakes her head, now gripping onto her skirt tightly. I can't see her face but I can tell that she is trying not to cry. "I was such a stupid woman, Sasuke, to think that you could ever love me."

God, this was fucking dreadful to stand here and watch this.

She angrily looks up at me and grabs her bags. She stands up and says, "Ino is waiting to pick me up. I'm staying with her."

"Sakura, wait!" I quickly maneuver towards her and grab her arm of which she quickly snaps away. She drops one of her bags in the process of snapping away from me. There is a loud thud and I'm confused as to whether the sound is coming from her bags or her heart that I have so suddenly broken.

"Sasuke, I can read you so well," she sighs, "This process of breaking my heart, it's been happening for years. Not just today, or yesterday, last week, last month but for years. For years it has been a process," she bends down to pick up her bag. "I just wish you would realize it already, about who you really loved. At first, I was confused about it. Like you still are but…I've studied psychology, Sasuke. This entire plan for happiness, it doesn't involve me as a lover, perhaps as a friend, but definitely not a lover. You can't love me so intimately."

"Sakura, what are you talking about? I want to marry you!"

"Marriage is a lot more serious than you must realize, Sasuke. It's not something you do without proper reason. We're not forced to wed so that you may inherit my dowry," she gently shoves me, almost in a playful way, and then flicks my forehead. "Don't you realize it? I knew it all along in high school, even when you didn't. I just hoped your feelings might change. They did for a little bit while he was gone but…then you fell into this rut and were completely numb to everything. I know that he's here and…"

"And what Sakura?"

"God, you're so fucking daft," tears begin to well up in her eyes. "I have to go. I need to get away from you."

And just like that, she storms out the door, almost falling over her bags but she leaves gracefully as she always does. I stand in our dim lit living room for a while as I watch the lock turn. She will have to give me back that key later and we would have to talk. After that, everything will be as it was before.

I sigh and head to the kitchen. There is a large bottle of whiskey and I'm most ready to swallow its bitter taste and allow it to overcome me. I grab a small glass and pour the contents into my glass, I down it quickly. It burns my throat as it passes through my gullet. A bitter taste for a bitter world. A bitter world for a bitter man.

I head over to the couch and continue drinking. Contrary to what kids may believe, alcohol is as much a drug as anything else, and as such, a drug can make you forget for a little while. Just for a little while. Certainly, some drugs are more disgusting than others but this one suits me just fine. I nurse the bottle until I am obviously drunk.

I lean my head against the couch, and I still feel the need to cry but even relishing in this terrible feeling that has only exposed itself more so from drinking I cannot.

I couldn't think anymore. At least, I won't remember what I think tomorrow. So there's no point in thinking. And so, I sleep.

* * *

"_Sasuke…"_

It sounds like his voice in my dreams. But this will always only be a dream, whispering my voice in such a way, it's simply a dream.

* * *

I wake up to someone banging at my door. It is quick and irritating as my head is pounding. It is still night and, as I am delusional from waking up, I do not realize that I am no longer drunk but hung over and in dire need of a shower. Even so, I get up without thinking, with the automatic hope that this may be Sakura, and head over to open the door. She has come back. I knew she would. She forgot to leave the keys here.

"Whoa, you look disgusting."

I look up, at first, I see Sakura, but then my eyes focus and it isn't her standing at my door. It's Naruto.

"You must have had a ridiculous night," Naruto smirked, his arm leaning against my door frame. He looks sort of like a bad ass in a "rock" band. Wait, I almost forgot, he is, although, he would run his mouth about genres if I had considered his music just rock. _It's hardcore_. I hear him chiming in my head over and over.

"Weren't you…playing a show?" My voice is gruff and I'm squinting even though it is dark. I just want to sit down, really.

"That was last night, fool. Man, you must have gotten messed up last night," he pats my back and it almost throws me over. Speaking with Naruto in such a way reminds me that we are only twenty three, that we are only two young kids. Strange, I forget sometimes how young we are. What business do I have even teaching a university course? I don't have the right. I don't believe that I do.

"Where's Sakura?" he enters my home without being offered inside in his usual intrusive way.

"She's not here," I groan.

"I thought you two would be fucking like bunnies. I was hoping to intrude," he stops at the table and sees her engagement ring lying on the table. "Oh…I see."

"Yeah," I close the door, walk passed him, and plop down on the couch, rubbing my head as I do so.

"Now I understand the gruff image," Naruto grinned, as he took the seat opposite from me. "You were always one to drink your sorrows away."

"And what of you, Naruto?"

"What of me? I may drink but not excessively and fuck those drugs. Fuck them."

"You know, all the girls in school think you were a drug addict or something that miraculously became clean."

"Yeah, I know, they obviously haven't really read the damn book," Naruto sighed. "Stupid girls. They don't know a thing."

"I know. Those girls are just…"

"Don't say another word, I know," he laughs, obviously thinking the same things as I have at some point. "They moan over you too and they talk about how romantic and sweet you are to your fiancé."

I sigh, picking up the engagement ring and staring at it, "Yeah, I am quite the romantic."

Naruto burst into violent laughter, "When I overheard them talking I couldn't help but snicker. You're not exactly the _romantic_ type."

"How do you know I haven't changed over these five years?"

"And would you be nursing a bottle of Jack Daniel's if you have?"

"No, you're right," I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling. "I am a fool."

For a while, the two of us sit in silence. This is so strange, so strange to be sitting here like this, talking like this, being like this. It feels so good, so right. It feels like the world is being placed back in order. It feels that same way…but I've grown tired of using the door analogy.

"Naruto," I stare right at him, and he is staring back at me with the same warmth I've become so accustomed too. "It makes me feel…happy…that we're friends again. I'm …sorry…about when we were kids."

"Nah, that was a long time ago. I could have done something about it too but I was too butt hurt and proud."

"Still…"

"Don't worry about it, Sasuke," his grin widens. "Life is quite long."

"Yeah," I put the ring down on the table and sigh. "It is."

"Come on," he gets up, "Let's pack up the rest of the stuff Sakura left so that she can take the rest when she's ready."

"Aren't you going to tell me to go and do some romantic gesture to get her back?"

"If a woman leaves after years of pain, especially a strong woman like that, it's best to let her go. She's obviously realized that the two of you are only headed into a destructive marriage. Be glad she did because you weren't willing to admit it. Thank god you two didn't have children."

"Right," I sigh.

I take out a few boxes and the two of us scan through the apartment for her things. It almost feels as if someone has died and we are clearing out the memories of them. Perhaps, that's the only way I could ever think of clearing out pictures of another person. After the pictures and her objects are taken care of we head to the bedroom to deal with her clothing. I open up her closet and we start throwing things into the box.

Naruto pulls out a white dress from the closest, her wedding dress that she must have picked out yesterday.

"Damn, that's depressing," Naruto sighs and he puts it back on the rack. The two of us think the same thing, that it would just be a bad gesture to include her wedding dress. Some of her clothing brings back memories, some of her clothing still have her scent, and it tears at my heart.

"This must be hard on you too."

"It's okay," I sigh, throwing one of her summer dresses into the box. She wore that on a picnic we had one lovely summer. "It's a lot harder for her than it is for me."

"But I can tell, even so, that you did really love her. I guess you just got lost or…"

Naruto stops and we both don't continue the conversation. We just keep throwing clothes into the box, we keep pushing her further and further away. Part of me is afraid of what this will lead to. Things will no longer be as they once were. Now, I don't have a plan. Now, I don't know where to go. Sakura always made me feel safe. She always made me feel sure of myself. Now, I'm not so sure.

Deep in my thoughts, I automatically reach for a hanger and my hand lands on Naruto's. We both turn and stare at each other for a while. My heart is pounding so hard that it is loud in my ears. I feel as if it is about to rip out of my chest. All I can hear is the sound of my heart, and all that I can feel is the warmth of Naruto's skin.

"You're actually warm, Sasuke," Naruto whispers. Somehow, it feels as if the world is pushing us closer together, as if everything is coming together with just this one gesture. His hand moves from my hand, up my arm, to the base of my neck. I feel afraid, nervous. I don't know. There's just too much feeling for me to understand all of it at once. There's too much. And as we inch closer I…

"Sasuke!"

The two of us pull away and straighten ourselves.

"Sasuke!" It's Sakura's voice. You can hear her footsteps inch closer to the bedroom as Naruto and I pull further away from each other.

"Sasuke!" She stands at the front door and stares at the two of us standing around awkwardly. "Ah, Naruto!"

Excitement overcomes her and she runs over to give Naruto a tight hug. His frame envelops her body as they hug.

"It's been so long! What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit you two but then I found Sasuke here as pathetic as always," Naruto snickers. I only shrink further into the closet. I just want to sit in the corner and die.

"Yeah," she looks down at her feet and then, without looking at me, hands me her key. "I forgot to give you this last night. I'll come back for my things another day."

I only nod as I take the key from her. I have somehow lost my ability to speak.

"It was nice seeing you, Naruto, we should catch up sometime."

"Of course," Naruto smiled. So warm…he was so warm.

"Okay, well, I'll call you, Sasuke."

Again, I only nod.

"I'll show myself out."

I nod again.

She leaves the room. We listen to her footsteps as she heads to the door. We listen to her open the door, and close it.

And I feel so damn spineless.

I turn around and continue to throw her things into the box. Instead of speaking another word, Naruto remains silent as well.

Life only gets more difficult the older you get. You end up having to pack up more and more boxes and lock them away. That's just how it is.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think, reviews are much appreciated. :D


	5. Running

**Lesson Five: **_Running_

"So, you're safe, correct? I hope you are comfortable," I run my fingers through my hair as I pull the cell phone slightly off my face.

"Yes, Sasuke, I'm fine. I won't be staying at Ino's for long. I'm already on the hunt for apartments."

"That's good to hear," I remain silent for a few seconds. It was eerie how casual the conversation was going, considering that it had only been a week since she had left me. "I'm surprised that this is going so...well, easily. For the both of us."

She remained silent for a few seconds, and then, a slight giggle escaped her. I could imagine her delicate fingers covering her mouth, "I am too. But I think that this was a long time coming, Sasuke."

"I...I guess," I sigh, looking down at the table I am sitting at. The breeze soothes my anxiety. It's refreshing to at least be sitting out here, alone, and away from the hustle and bustle of university students.

"I'll talk to you later, Sasuke, I have to go. I'll keep you updated. I know that it will make you feel more at ease."

"Okay, Sakura."

"Bye."

I wait for the click on the other line before flipping my phone shut. I look down at the test papers that I'm grading and sigh. At times, I wonder if I'm still making the right decisions. I created this solid plan of action for life, as if nothing would deter me from that path. Sometimes, you forget that regardless of what you plan life doesn't always stay on track the way that you would wish it did.

"Sasuke!"

I look up from the table and notice Naruto staring down at me. He pats me on the back aggressively and steals the top of the table as a seat. He's staring down at me intensely, a lot closer than I want him to be. I look around and notice students staring at us intently, mostly females, and feel a blush tint my cheeks.

"Hey, Naruto, people are staring. Move away. Now."

Slowly, I could see the mischievousness form onto Naruto's features. I pulled away, unsure of what may come next, and he only inched closer. And closer.

Too close.

There was only a centimetre of space between our noses, I could feel his breath against my skin, and he locked his brilliant blue eyes with mine, not looking away. Somehow, I couldn't step away from the challenge. I had forgotten about what was going on around us. There was only this moment, this challenge.

"Sasuke," he whispered softly.

"Yes, Naruto."

"People are watching."

I quickly pushed him away and sat upright, fixing myself to combat the anxiety and embarrassment. I cleared my throat, and looked away from him, hoping that he wouldn't notice the warmth that invaded my face. He burst out into a fit of wild laughter, it filled the air, and I could feel myself wanting to rip him apart limb from limb.

"Oh, come on," there was a growl like quality to the way he formed his words, "We should pander to our fans every once in a while."

"Oh, please, Naruto," I groaned, ignoring the watchful eyes, "This is an establishment for learning and growth not scandals and gossip."

"You're no fun," Naruto pouts, as he situates himself next to me on the bench. "But, seriously, how are you feeling after...well, you know."

"You know, I'm doing just fine," I look down at my unmarked test papers that I haven't even looked at yet. I couldn't even sum up the energy to start taking a look at them. It was a strange feeling, to be jaded at such an early age. I don't remember wanting to be the image of all that was dark and negative.

As if he knew what I was thinking, Naruto inched closer to me, his scent drifted into the air and it sent waves of nostalgia throughout me. Without thinking, I plopped my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes, and took in the scent that reminded me of a blissful time years ago before all this adulthood had taken over our simple pleasures.

"Sasuke..."

I opened my eyes, realizing what I had done, and my breathing became quick and vapid due to the immense nervousness that overcame me. What the hell was I doing?

I straightened quickly, adjusting my tie, and fixed the collar of my shirt.

"You're losing it," Naruto snickered before throwing his arm around me and pulling me in. Again, that nauseating scent of his began to make me feel sick.

"I must be," I sighed, feeling defeated. "I really must be."

"Hey! How about this? Forget about marking papers, and students, etc. boring stuff, and let's have a night out. Have a few drinks, banter, you know, that sort of thing."

I stood up from the bench and collected my papers, stuffing it in my bag quickly, "No, Naruto. We're not high school students anymore. We have responsibilities. We can't just ignore them because of hardships and misery."

"Geeze," Naruto grabs onto my arm, and we stare each other down. "You can't just keep running away."

"On the contrary," I pull my arm from his grip, "I'm doing the opposite of just that."

As I walk away, I can hear Naruto's breathing quicken over the sound of the wind that surrounds us.

"You'd like to think that, but you're always running away, Sasuke."

I stop for a moment, taking in his words. I remember that day during our senior year, the last day, when he grabbed me and my body reacted so outrageously. I wanted to forget that. I wanted to just forget him, and that the two of us were ever friends. It's strange though, almost funny, to think that after all those years I'm still affected by him just like that. Just like when we were teenagers, and I thought this was a foolish fleeting feeling.

I ask myself constantly who I am, and why I'm hiding. Who do I have left to fear? I guess, it isn't who, but what. I don't want to feel that way again, pain, it's just too much. I'd rather just...run away then.

"Actually, Naruto, you're right," and just with that I kept walking forward, away from him and everything I could ever have. I didn't need close friendships or love. I just needed myself, that's all. I didn't require marriage or company of any kind. What's the point of it all when, in the end, nothing good would come out of it?

"_Naruto!" I could feel my knees weakening, my body trembling before him. So weak, I couldn't believe that I was so weak._

"_Sasuke," he held me in his arms as I fell to the ground, tears threatening to escape me. "I'm here, it's okay. You can't let him keep doing this to you."_

"_I just..."_

"_No!" Naruto growled, "I can't just sit here and watch as he hurts you! I care about you too much, Sasuke!"_

_I look up at him, tears threatening to escape both of us as his arms are wrapped around me. I didn't think I could ever be so fragile around someone, so weak. It was disgusting. I pushed him off of me and got up to my feet. I swore never to allow anyone to witness my weakness again and here I was, groveling and shaking in his arms. His of all people's._

"_Sasuke! You can't just keep running away!"_

"_Why?" I growl at him, pushing him further away from me. "It's what I'm best at!"_

My eyes open, and I notice that I've fallen asleep in my office at the university. I was dreaming of the past, such a funny thing to dream of. That time, when he...

I hear someone knocking at my door and I fix myself up quickly.

"Come in," I sigh, not wanting any company at this moment. I just...

I shouldn't lie to myself. I don't know what the fuck I want anymore. How strange, that our lives can shift so quickly. Just a few weeks ago I thought everything in my life had been solidified, as if I had gained everything I had ever been seeking. But with all the success and changes, I just found myself more lost and confused than I ever had been before.

"Sasuke," I hear Naruto on the other side of the door. I groan in frustration, he's like a disease you can never quite rid yourself of.

"What do you want?"

The door opens and he walks in slowly, he's carrying a guitar case in one hand, and he looks contemplative, and unsure. He slowly steps into the room, and places his guitar on the ground, before sitting on the seat across from my desk. He looks nervous but I'm not quite sure why.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he sighs. "I know you're going through a tough time and I shouldn't force you do to things that you're not ready to do. I know you do things your way and..."

As he speaks, I can feel the dormant feelings of fear and resentment welling up inside of me, ready to explode. After all these years, after what I did, and said, why was he acting so nice to me? It was making me sick. Just sick.

I slammed my hands on the table, trembling from all the anger sweltering within me. Why? Why?! WHY?

"Why are you acting so fucking nice to me? After I left you, and said those things to you? What's wrong with you? Are you a masochist or something? What is wrong with you?"

I held Naruto's shoulders tightly with both of my hands. The two of us stood silently in the room. The sound of my breathing seemed to fill the entirety of it. My heaving was dreadful, and I didn't know what to do to stop myself, and calm down. I was just so...angry.

He stared up at me. He held sadness in his eyes that I hadn't seen in so long. Neither of us moved an inch. My hands were still gripped tightly onto him. He slowly raised one arm, his hand wrapping around my wrist. The contact of skin against skin sent a shiver throughout my body.

"I'm not a masochist, Sasuke, and I'm still hurt by what you did to this day," his grip tightened and his eyes blazed with an emotion I couldn't quite understand, "I just...I-"

"Ah!" The two of us look up towards the door to find one of my students standing in awe, watching us. "I didn't mean to interrupt but I wanted to discuss an extension for an assignment. I have some family issues and require a few extra days."

"That's fine," my arms fall to my side. "Take the time you need."

"Yes, th-thank you," she stutters before slowly backing away.

"I have some work to do, Naruto," I slump into my seat, as I cover my eyes with my hand.

And just like that, he doesn't speak another word. He leaves, and that's it.


	6. Phone Call

**Lesson Six**: Phone Call

I stare up at the ceiling, my eyes settling to the darkness. I wasn't quite used to sleeping alone yet. A dark feeling crept up on me that I couldn't quite understand. It was making me sick. I was making myself sick. This weakness was despicable and I wanted to destroy every bit of it, but I could feel it pumping throughout my bloodstream, infiltrating my heart and spreading throughout my entire being. It wasn't like I missed Sakura, to be honest, even sleeping next to her still felt lonely at times. I loved her but...I never quite felt fulfilled, and I wasn't quite sure what it would take to ever feel the satisfaction of fulfillment. I yearned for something, and I didn't know what.

I closed my eyes, and my mind drifted. I could almost smell the scent of Naruto creep into my nostrils which caused my heart to clench further. This was just painful. There was a storm of confusion flowing through my mind, and it was inhibiting me from grasping on to sanity. Ever since Naruto had breezed back into my life, he distorted everything. I wondered what he was thinking, and feeling. I wondered if he had obtained a sense of clarity while I remained clouded.

The cloudiness created by my confusion was beginning to drive me insane. It always felt like Naruto was the only one who could ever make me feel this way. It also always felt like Naruto was the only one who ever really knew what was going on too.

I was beginning to feel like...I should somehow try to understand what was raging in my mind, the depths of myself that I refused to look at, but the idea was frightening in many, many ways. The thought was so discomforting I just wanted to keep burying it. Our friendship had always been grand and dramatic. It was the definition of tumultuous so I couldn't quite understand why my entire being seemed to yearn for his friendship.

I looked over at the red flashing numbers of my alarm clock, it was only nine fifteen in the evening but my exhaustion overcame me. I thought that I could fall asleep, considering how heavy my eyes felt but my mind wouldn't power down. I couldn't even completely comprehend every thought that passed through me.

I was just a jumbled up mess.

I reached over to grab my phone, and stared at it for a while in the darkness. What did I even want to do? I put it down, but turned in bed to stare at it. Seriously, what was it that I wanted to do?

I grabbed it once again, feeling the weight of it in my hand. It felt heavier than usual, as if it was slowly accumulating all of my worries, weighing my hand down further to the surface of the bed. I was so confused, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what steps to take or where I was to go next and the feeling was beginning to upset me.

"What am I supposed to do?"

I close my eyes once again, and yellow fills the view of my eyes. I see his face, his ridiculously bright blonde hair in my eyes, and once again the scent is filling my nostrils.

"UGGGGGH!" I yell, ruffling my own hair in immense frustration.

I just don't know what the fuck is going on!

I then hear the phone vibrating. I stare at the phone as it vibrates; the screen is bright in the darkness of my bedroom. I feel my nerves creeping into my being. I hesitate as the letters that spell Naruto Uzumaki fill the vision of my eyes. I can feel my hand trembling as I grab it, flip it up, and place it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Sup, Sasuke," his voice is gruff and alluring to my ears.

Alluring? What the fuck...?

"What do you want?" I groan, mostly frustrated with myself.

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. The seconds feel like months, each month passes, slowly creeping up to losing another year of my youth. The unknown is beginning to torment me, as I'm not sure what it is that he wants and why this feels so heavy. I imagine him on the other end, wondering if he is lying in the darkness of his room too. Or is his room filled with light. What does he look like right now?

"What?" The silence is beginning to drive me mad.

"I couldn't sleep, Sasuke."

"How does this concern me?"

"It does concern you," more silence, and then, "It very much concerns you. I am concerned."

"About what, Naruto?"

"I can't get you out of my head," my heart speeds up, the nerves overtaking my soul, pumping through me with so much severity. I feel like I might bleed out of my nostrils and ears.

"What?" I can feel my voice croak a bit, and hope that he doesn't notice the change in pitch.

"I mean, I'm just worried about you, Sasuke, with the whole Sakura thing."

The sigh of my relief is loud and powerful. What a big dope? But a part of me wonders what it is I am so relieved about, and if I am even relieved because underneath this feeling of relief I feel a heaviness that pulls me deeper into my bed.

"You're such a dope. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine?"

"Sasuke, a person can say they're fine and not really be fine at all."

"I'm fine, Naruto," my voice is stern, suggesting that this conversation should end, and I could hear a laugh escape him on the other end.

"If you say so then..."

"I would really like this to be the end of this conversation. I will reassure you that the whole Sakura matter isn't something that I'm entirely wracking my brain over."

"Okay."

Once again, silence.

"Sasuke," suddenly, the energy feels heavy once again, and my heart races. There's something different in his tone.

"Yes...Naruto..."

"The other day, when your head fell onto my shoulder...did you-"

"Naruto, I have to go," I interrupt, not wanting to continue the conversation further. I just...couldn't.

"Okay..."

"Sorry," I sigh, and both ends remain silent. Right then, especially, I wonder what he may look like. "Bye, Naruto."

"Goodbye, Sasuke."

I press the end button, and gently place the phone onto my desk. I stare at it for a while as the feeling creeps up onto me. This feeling of the unknown is slowly overtaking me, and I am completely unsure if I will be able to continue running away. Eventually, your body will buckle from exhaustion, and you won't be able to run anymore. Once my legs decide to finally give in, will I be able to handle the repercussions? Do I even really understand what those repercussions are?

No, I have to keep running. I can't stop...it isn't like anyone's chasing me anyways. He stopped since that day. He must've given up on us...our friendship, right?

So, there was absolutely nothing to worry about. There wasn't...right? There really wasn't.

I sunk further into my bed, closed my eyes, and attempted to turn off everything. If only, I could turn off everything.


End file.
